Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely adore the sunshine and heat. But right now, London is a hot, sticky and smelly mess. And so are most of its residents.
Yesterday. I managed to shelter from the hellish heat in my air-conditioned office. But. come 5:30pm, I had to head outside and meet a friend for beers. We ended up standing outside a pub – this being Friday in London and the sun in the sky – as no seats were to be had.
I had to cope with the heat (I was in my work trousers, due to a client meeting earlier, but had the good sense to wear a polo shirt), the noise, the sunshine, the exhaust fumes from passing traffic, the smoke from various dickhead smokers waving their cigarettes around like glow sticks at a rave, and whatever the hell comes out of those disgusting vape machines. Cancer juice, or whatever.
It wasn’t pleasant.
After a couple of beers, we went for some food, heading straight to Bodean’s for some BBQ. The only tables available were in the basement and it didn’t take long for us to realise something was very, very wrong down there: the air conditioning was broken.
So our hot meal of hot meat was made all the warmer and stickier by the unrelenting heat and stink of a basement BBQ restaurant full of basically unwashed Londoners. I’ve never eaten a meal there so fast in all my life.
Still, the views of the London skyline on my walk home almost made up for it. The sky was utterly, utterly gorgeous.
Last night, though, after several nights of sticky non-sleep, I had to take to the couch. With the living room balcony doors open, a fan pointed in my general direction and my naked sweaty body stretched out as if hoping for deliverance from a passing ice-cream truck, I managed to get about five hours of sleep.
Nowhere near enough considering I’m marching in today’s London Pride parade, it’s going to easily hit 30C before we start walking and there are several important beers I need to consume later.
As you can tell, I’m not amused.
Please, London: calm down to a manageable 25C and we’ll all be very thankful.