You know, I was just thinking last week how lucking I’ve been on the epilepsy front lately.
Probably foolish of me, as I seem to have tempted fate.
The sheen was taken off my otherwise relaxing and productive weekend by a series of four (possibly more) complex partial seizures on Sunday. While not completely debilitating, they left me exhausted, frustrated and nursing a hell of a hangover.
It all started when I was listening to a podcast and doing some boring but necessary business admin on Sunday morning. The usual symptoms kicked in – inability to read the screen in front of, a weird feeling of ‘whooshing’ in my head, something not unlike vertigo or being on a rollercoaster and then a temporary ‘closedown’ or re-booting of my brain.
Each time, I was left confused, squinting and – all the time knowing someone was wrong – not quite able to put my finger on what it was. The confusion passed, quickly followed by the headache. And this happened at least three more times between about 10am and 6pm. I think a couple of them happened in fairly quick succession while I was watching TV on the couch. It’s a bit of a blur. And a bit like living your afternoon but the needle on the record keeps skipping.
It was not pleasant.
I mean, while I’m lucky not to experience tonic-clonic (grand mal) seizures, these complex partial ones are annoying enough. One leaves me tired, four will really ruin a day complexly. It’s strange and interesting to experience your brain misbehaving and the psychologist in me is very intrigued by the whole thing. The non-psychologist in me would really rather this epilepsy would fuck off for good.
While the side-effects aren’t unbearable, it’s the unpredictable nature of the seizures that gets me down sometimes.
And I have no idea why.
Health has been great, I’ve been exercising and sleeping really well. All of the usual probable causes are excluded. Though with epilepsy, you never can tell. And even though I was exhausted last night, I couldn’t sleep. Sometimes, I get a smudge of post-seizure depression and just spend time sleeping it off. Sometimes, I get anxiety and last night, this left me wired until well after midnight.
Why am I boring you with the details?
Aside from wanting to get it off my chest (blogging-as-catharsis), I had planned to make another attempt at recording a podcast yesterday. Brain-farts made this pretty much impossible. So while I haven’t kept to anything like a weekly schedule, I did manage to edit my existing podcast files and add some music to each – purely to test my newfound “skills” on Garageband – before my brain started to work against me.
Maybe I’ve found a topic for the next episode…