Eurovision countdown…

Less than a week to go to Eurovision 2015 and I’ve yet to pen a word on it here. You can tell it’s been a busy few months when I fail to share any Eurovision-related excitement.

It’s obviously far too late to review all of the 40-odd songs competing this year, but here’s a small selection of those I rate. This probably represents a kiss of death for each, as I haven’t been able to predict a winner since Greece won in 2005. Which resulted in a £60 windfall from Paddy Power, thnkyouverymuch.

First up, Italy. This was actually the first of the songs I came across on YouTube. I think this will do well with the mammies (if they even vote?) “Now aren’t they a love set of fellas. And they can actually sing”. The kind of people who bought Il Divo’s album.

Next up, Norway. Very definitely not a sing-a-long entry, but something quite dark if you listen to the lyrics. The video is great, but leaves me wondering what the live stage act will be like. For me, it’s worth waiting for the last 30secs. Nice climax. (As the actress said to the… etc. etc.).

It should get a few points from people who like their music to have more than three chords and a drum machine.

It must be asked: is there anyone who can fill Conchita’s shoes? It takes a brave performer to step up to the mark she established by winning last year. Thankfully, Austria have gone for something completely different, but a song that is similarly memorable.

I just hope he loses the hat and stops setting things on fire.

Next up, Belgium. Or “plucky Belgium”, as Terry Wogan used to refer to them.

I have to admit this last one took a while to grow on me. It definitely sounds like about three other songs rolled into one (this is, after all, Eurovision). It’s one of the more memorable entries. While the video is interesting, I wonder how they’ll make the stage performance as interesting.

I’m assuming lots of close-up shots of the singer’s face? And hopefully a few wet t-shirts…

Now. I’m not including this year’s Israel entry because I actually like it. I’m including it because it represents the most successful “ear worm” of this year’s contest. I’ve (annoyingly) found myself humming and whistling it at various points.

Well done, Israeli Eurovision song-scientists – you have created a monster.

Now for Denmark. Another ear-worm and one that might get a few votes due to the combination of youth, hair and perfect teeth. But definitely not for the depth of its lyrics.

There’s a boy band charm to this, a bit like an upbeat One Direction who’d actually had a shower before going on stage.

I’m sorry, but I can’t bring myself to link to the UK’s entry this year. It’s an abomination and was most definitely designed by committee. I don’t know who they had in mind when they wrote it (or recorded the video), but I think they’ve missed the mark. By several miles.

The ill-advised “scat” segment is the bit that makes me heave. Sorry guys.

So what else have we got to look forward to? Well, the fabulous Conchita is going to be helping out with presenting duties, working the “Green Room”. Hope they give her some decent air-time.

In another break from tradition, Australia are competing this year, as it’s the 60th Anniversary and they are such massive fans. Though not sufficiently love-struck that they’d enter a decent song. And if they win? Where will they host it? Madness! (Though quite hilarious).

Ireland have entered an actual song this year, attempting to put the shame of Dustin the Turkey well behind them. It’s a nice song, but I’m afraid it’s going to get lost in the noise of the “big acts”. I hope Molly makes it into the final. It could mark the start of a come-back and we could win it for four years in a row. Utterly bankrupting the country all over again.

I have, once again, somehow managed to time Eurovision week with working abroad until late Friday night. So I’ll be watching the two semi-finals alone in an Amsterdam hotel room, while trying to work. And hoping that my favourites make it into the final.

And tweeting snarkily.

Because what would Eurovision be without the running commentary of a million Twitter accounts in the background?

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