Due to a combination of circumstances, I found myself going to the cinema by myself last night.
I’m not sure I’ve ever done that before. Ever.
I went to see “Gravity“, with Sandra Bullock and George Clooney. In summary, it was fantastic. But let’s get a few gripes out of the way.
And they’re nothing to do with the film itself.
Once again, I was driven up the wall by the antics of the other people in the cinema. I got there early enough to choose a seat as far from noisy groups as possible. Just as the trailers ended, a whole gaggle of couples came into the cinema and the place really started to fill up.
A couple shimmied their way through the crowd to take two seats next to me and started talking, loudly, to each other. I don’t know what had got them so excited but I couldn’t understand it as they weren’t speaking English. While simultaneously unpacking what can only be described as a packed lunch.
Seriously: tupperware and cutlery. Not to mention all the bags of popcorn they’d bought from downstairs.
They were accompanied by a shocking smell of moth-balls. I’m still not sure if it was the food or the people. But it was revolting.
Looking around for options, there wasn’t a single free seat anywhere near me.
I was stuck.
They proceeded to eat and talk noisily until the opening credits, when I had to say something. I didn’t want a film I’d been looking forward to for such a long time to be ruined by a couple of inconsiderate toe-rags.
I asked them to keep the noise down and they responded by looking at me like I’d just slap them both in the face with my genitals.
Indignantly, the woman said they were just enjoying their night out. I replied by saying so was everyone else, but they were making too much noise.
I didn’t even mention the food.
The guy with her didn’t say anything to me in English, but turned to his wife/girlfriend and said something in their own language and laughed. No idea what they exchanged but it was obviously hilarious.
Only once the film began properly did they shut the hell up a little.
The continue to make noise with their food and fidgeted about right the way through the film. Tossers of the highest order – and they weren’t kids, they were in their forties.
As for the film itself, I’m glad it was so engaging otherwise I would have walked out to avoid the morons next to me. I was sucked in within minutes.
As I told friends afterwards, I spent half the film holding my breath, the other half clutching the sides of my chair with claw-like fists.
It was exhausting.
Sandra Bullock deserves an award for her portrayal of a very unlucky mission specialist, brought up to the Hubble telescope for her technical expertise.
After about 10 minutes in, it’s a series of one natural and technical disaster after another. Bullock develops from a nervous and jittery scientist to a confident and able woman doing whatever she can to survive.
Clooney is….Clooney. A wise-talking, grinning experienced Astronaut who casually mentions how attractive he is with regularity. He’s a perfect fit for the role, but to be frank, it wasn’t exactly a stretch for him.
The truly inhospitable environment of space comes across clearly and, while I’m not an astronaut – not do I play one on TV – the whole thing came off as highly realistic. The frustrations and dangers of zero-gravity and a massive, freezing vacuum are cleverly represented.
After a while, you almost forget the entire thing is make-believe, which to me is the definition of excellent special effects.
It was edge-of-the-seat stuff and left me feeling like I’d been on a fairground ride.
Very highly recommended – just be careful who you end up sitting next to!